Dear Diary...

As much as I try, I'm not a wordy person when it comes to feelings (thank you Dyer childhood). Sometimes I wish I didn't feel so silly expressing how I really feel. Like I was about to jump onto a stage, naked. ugh.

Coldplay, help me out here...I tried my best and I didn't succeed. I got what I wanted but not what I needed. I lost a lot that I can't replace. But I also gained a lot. Some may call it a mistake–even I have at times–but there's no way I'd have learned what I have if I didn't experience it all.

He even told me himself I deserved better. Why didn't I listen? Why...because I tried to control it all. If I can just stop trying to control how I will feel tomorrow and what is going to happen to me within the next year...then I might just make it. There IS a way to fix me, I just know it.